


Shatter

by fuckyeahgeneraldanvers (thedrunkidiot)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:02:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8575798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedrunkidiot/pseuds/fuckyeahgeneraldanvers
Summary: It has been a week since General Lane stormed his way into the DEO. Astra is still being tortured, Hank is still missing, Non is silent and Kara won't even talk to her.Alex takes the risk that becomes a pivotal moment into their stories, and the turning point in her life.It all begins with a terrible idea, a human disaster, and an alien criminal. Or, the one in which Alex has terrible ideas; kidnaps an alien criminal from a secret government facility and Cadmus has been playing them around for way too long.





	1. terrible ideas, desperate measures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Jenn (verbalatrocity) for reading this over and for being my soundboard.  
> Shout to everyone on Tumblr who endured my innumerable rants about this piece.  
> Thank you all. You are awesome.
> 
> Flashbacks and thoughts are in italic. I'm not a native English speaker so I apologize in advance for any mistakes.

**Shatter**

/ˈʃæt ər/ verb (used with object)

1\. To break into pieces.

 To be broken into fragments or become weak or insubstantial.

 

 

"When you break up, your whole identity is shattered.

It's like death."

**Dennis Quaid**

 

* * *

  
**i.** **the one in which Alex has terrible ideas**

 

Alex stares at the small gadget in her hand, her fingers gently tracing the exquisitely etched marks. It’s been a week since Astra’s army captured Director Henshaw; a week since General Lane stormed his way into the DEO, presidential order in hand, assuming the command; a week since Lieutenant Non last contacted them.

He’d said 48 hours.

Alex is getting desperate.

General Lane had refused Non's exchange deal, opting instead for questionable methods. Liquid Kryptonite, injected directly into Astra’s veins until they had gotten a location, which led them straight into an ambush.

Alex had been furious. People had died, she barely made it herself. She hadn't even give it a second thought about what she was doing, as she had made her way to the containment section, ramming the codes to unlock the door to General Astra’s cell.

_The Kryptonian is lying quietly on the floor, curled into herself, eyes closed. She doesn’t move an inch as Alex marches inside, stopping only a few centimeters away from the glass separating them._

_“Why did you lie?” She demands, pacing furiously. “Innocent people died, because of you!”_

_“Come on!” She slams her hands flat against the glass, hard enough to sting; the glass hardly shakes. “Answer me!”_

_Astra’s eyes flick several times as they open, eyes once so vivid and predatory now looking hollow and bloodshot under the green hue of Kryptonite lights. The dark circles under her eyes contrast heavily with her now pallid and clammy skin. A small growl escapes her lips as she strains to get up. Noticing as much, Alex doesn’t hesitate as she crosses the room quickly and takes a look at the Kryptonite emitting controllers, checking the exposure percentage, confirming that it is indeed, set too high for just suppressing Astra’s powers. She lowers it substantially before returning to Astra._

_“You might feel less miserable now.” She states, lips pursing as she looks into Astra’s eyes, searching for something she quite doesn’t know yet. Regret, maybe? “Why did you lie, Astra? People died, Kara could have,” Astra’s tired chuckle stops her mid rant._

_“Tell me, Agent Danvers,” Astra draws her last name, slowly, as she exhales heavily, and when she speaks, she sounds just as exhausted as she looks. “Do you honestly believe that information obtained through questionable methods would lead you to anything less?” Astra sneers, her voice hoarse and cracking from all the screaming,” The only way to retrieve your Director is through the trade, now go back to inform your General,”- she scoffs at the title, - “that he can come back here and torture me until I breathe my last breath. I’ve survived Fort Rozz. Pain is nothing I can’t handle.”_

_“You might not believe me, Astra, but Lane isn't my General,” She feels the need to clarify. “And what he did here, to you, that is not something I agree with, or the DEO, if it matters. But you can’t believe that justifies what you did either.”_

_“I supposed not,” Astra sighs tiredly, grunting as she shifts closer until her forehead touches the glass between them, her gray eyes staring right into Alex’s. “I can see it in your eyes, your disapproval for his actions. However, you are a soldier, and no matter how brave you are, he is your superior, and there is little to nothing that you can do.” She sounds resigned. “As there is nothing I can do from here. I’m a General, and if it is my fate to die this honorless death to protect my men and the future of this planet,” she pauses, unsure of her next words, rolling her shoulders to alleviate some of the pressure of tired and pained muscles._

_“Astra,” Alex tried to intervene only to be cut by Astra’s shake of the head. Not that she is sure what she would say. If there is one thing Alex knows, however, is that Astra is stronger than she gave her credit for, and not because of Kryptonian physiology, but because of her willingness to die for what she believes. Foolish, maybe. But very honorable._

_“I've made my peace with it, Agent Danvers. Unless you intend to open those doors and release me, that is.” Astra’s lips form a small and pained smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Non won’t take anything else than the trade.” She looks down for a second, her arms wrapping around her body as she turns her eyes back to Alex’s. “Tell me, brave one; I have a request for you, which I know can be quite inconvenient, especially coming from me. Your prisoner, your enemy. So I will understand if you deny me this last request, but, would you do something for me? I assure you it is nothing that will bring you or anyone else any harm.”_

_Alex is surprised at the request but nods her head nonetheless._

_“If I… If I’m to die here,” Astra reaches for the zipper in her suit and retrieves a small rounded device. “Will you tell my niece…? Will you please let Kara know that no matter our differences in battle, our sides in this war, that I do love her? And see that she gets this. Please?” She holds the device against the glass as if she is trying to assure Alex that isn’t anything harmful._

_What Astra doesn’ know, however, is that Alex knows exactly what it is. She has recognized it from the moment Astra retrieved it from her suit. Alex’s heart aches remembering countless stories Kara had told her about it, about how Astra had given it to her, their little secret. She agrees wordlessly._

_Astra smiles then, a small smile that leaves Alex breathless for reasons she doesn’t quite know. She watches as the Kryptonian backs away from the glass, slowly, and carefully hides the spy beacon between the seat and the cell before going back to her restless sleep._

Kara and Alex try to persuade General Lane to make the trade, but every argument is proven ineffective to convince him. He is beyond furious because of the ambush, and with his mind set that the trade would be a bigger mistake, he orders Astra’s transference into another cell, underground, where they could pursue the  _interrogation_ without interruptions from the DEO personnel. That is when Colonel Harper arrives to assist him.

Kara is keeping her distance from the DEO  _and_ Alex since then. Alex is sure that part of Kara blames her for doing nothing, just as much as Alex blames herself.

Alex had never felt so powerless in her life, not even when she had discovered that her new sister could fly and lift cars with a finger, and now a week later, she still feels the same.

Completely and utterly powerless.

Every time she hears Astra’s piercing screams echoing through the walls of the cave she tries to remind herself why this is happening. She never comes up with a single acceptable reason.

Every day Astra is tortured until she passes out from pain, Alex knows, because only then the screaming finally stops. General Lane and Colonel Harper leave the interrogation room then, towards the barracks that now hold more of Lane’s men than the DEO’s, frustrated, without any new information, talking about how the ‘subject’ wouldn’t last more if they were to continue interrogating, yet determined to persist.

They never say Astra’s name. It is always subject, individual. It is degrading; it is demeaning. It makes Alex sick.

There is a week worth of work accumulating on her desk, but she can’t focus. Not when Hank is out there, not when Kara is not talking to her, half expecting her to do something, not when Astra is tortured underneath her feet while she pretends to work.

She isn’t sure how much longer Astra will last, or her own sanity.

She is carefully considering her options, weighing the pros and cons when General Lane leaves the elevator, and instead of going to the barracks, as usual, makes a beeline to her office, Harper hot on his heels.

Odd.

“We will be moving the prisoner to another facility,” Lane announces entering the room, he hands her the papers for the transfers before he uses a handkerchief to wipe the sweat off his forehead and Alex thinks she sees blood on the fabric as he pockets it away. “I need your signature on this custody releasing papers, and I expect the DEO to stand clear in this situation.” Colonel Harper chuckles from the door, and Alex looks at him.

The image makes Alex’s stomach turn. Harper looks almost relaxed leaning against the door frame, his hands and clothes stained with blood. “And the alien pet, of course.” He says as he grabs his combat knife to pick at the dried blood under his fingernails. He looks disgusted by the blood just as much as Alex is  _by him_. Harper looks at Astra’s blood like someone looks at the dog’s shit they’ve just stepped.

She wants to scream. Instead, she clenches her jaw and chooses to ignore Harper, focusing on General Lane. “Where are you moving her to?” She can’t. Through the corner of her eye, she keeps stealing glances at the man as he cleans Astra’s blood like it is the most common thing. Like it is routine. Maybe it has been all this week. She tastes bile inside her mouth at the mere thought.“That is a need to know basis, Agent. We will take care of everything; I’m just informing you out of courtesy.” He explains.

“General Lane, Astra is a DEO’s prisoner, I need proper information of this transfer!” She snarls pushing the unsigned papers back at General Lane.

Lane looks down at her. “I need to do no such thing, agent.” He puffs his chest standing a little taller. “What I  _need_ Agent Danvers, is to remind you of your place.” He smirks. “I’m your superior, and I don’t take insubordination lightly. The transfer is already approved, the request comes from my superiors directly. We are only informing you out of courtesy. Now stand clear of our way and follow your orders.” She grits her teeth, swallowing hard as her eyes scan the documents, she signs them with so much force she nearly rips through the papers.

General Lane gathers the papers with a triumphant smirk. “That wasn’t so hard, was it? We’ll be out of your hair tomorrow; I expect you to do the same.” Alex recognizes the dismissal even before General Lane turns his back to leave followed close his puppet.

General Lane is a bully, no different than the ones she had faced at school, back in Midvale, when they’d pick at Kara for being different, for being adopted.

Alex hates bullies.

She clenches her hands and feels a small stab of pain. Great, she’s just broken another pen.

She looks at the device again, standing on the corner of her desk, almost like it is taunting her now.

Astra’s words keep repeating inside her head followed close by her haunting screams.

She thinks about Kara. About that little spark of hope in her eyes, she tries to mask every time she talks about Astra. About how much Kara longs for her lost family and about long sleepless nights holding her little sister and whispering that everything would be okay.

She thinks about Hank and wonders if he is still alive.  _No_. She can’t afford to think like that.

She thinks about Astra too, alone, scared and broken at the mercy of men like Lane and Harper. She might be an alien criminal, but that alone doesn’t justify spilling her blood, that is just cruelty. It is now what the signed for when she joined the DEO. She knows Hank would never condone with this.

If only he were here.

The whole situation is a fucking nightmare.

It’s a long week that has gone too far.

She looks once more at the device, her fingers trace absentmindedly at those beautiful patterns, as her brain works in overload.

An hour passes before she finally comes up with a plan.

A stupid and terrible idea, honestly. But Alex is done sitting on her hands.

She needs to do something. Anything. It's time for this to end, and she knows exactly what she needs to do. Apparently, she's going to kidnap an alien prisoner from a top secret government facility.

 

* * *

 

 

 **ii**   **. desperate measures**

 

It is a terrible idea.

Of course, it is, Alex thinks as she steps into the changing room and heads towards her locker. It is the kind of plan that she would muse over a bottle of Cabernet laughing at the absurdity, if only she had the time. It is her own plan and she can’t stop thinking about how stupid it is, can’t stop counting the risks – far too many if she is honest – in her head.

The plan itself is as simple as plans can be; it is a one-person operation that involves more luck than anything.

Luck.

It is such a strange concept that she can’t shake off the nervous laughter. It is hasty, it is insane, and it is not like her at all.

It is pure madness.

Alex is scared. Not that she would let anyone know that, of course, but the erratic breaths and the loud thumping of her heart in her ears are a constant reminder of how terrified she is.

She packs the few clean clothes she finds inside her locker, a bottle of water and a few granola bars inside her gym bag pack. Glancing at the sweatshirt she is pretty sure she used last week, after a sparring session with Kara, she gives it a quick sniff and shoves it along with the other items. Her hands are shaking as she zips the bag shut.

Alex closes the locker with more force than necessary, resting her head against the door. The coldness from the metal is a welcome relief against her forehead. She counts slowly in her head, from fifty to one, keeping control of her breaths. In and out. Slow and steady.  _You can do this._

She makes her way back to her office quickly, with a quick stop into the medic bay, where she packs a few more supplies. She makes it back to her desk without being seen, and as she sits and waits for the right moment to act she adds silver tape and zip locks to the bag pack in an afterthought.

From now on, it is just a matter of timing. So Alex waits, pretending to be working while she studies the DEO map.

Alex has memorized every route possible and every other alternative, by the time the patrolling guard makes his way up from the underground containment block, heading towards the barracks. The DEO is pretty empty at this point, only a few guards standing on night duty.

_It is show time._

She moves fast as she makes her way underground, she uses the stairs instead of the elevator, trying to avoid arousing suspicions.

Her hands are shaking as she approaches the  _interrogation_  room, and she breathes heavily, taking a moment to remember herself why she is doing this.

Hank, Kara, her sanity.

She remembers the moment Hank had recruited her for the DEO. She’d never been so lost in her life. J’onn had seen right through her, of course. He had seen something worth it, something she had long forgotten. While her brain had been as sharp as ever, her body lacked strength. They had engaged in continuous training along the years, sparring lessons that had left her with sore limbs and tired smiles. Shooting practice and the pride she had felt as Hank called her a natural. For the first time after so long, Alex had a purpose in life that was her own. J’onn had saved her life. Now it is her turn to pay it back.

Then there is Kara, sweet, naïve and incredibly kind, Kara. Her little sister, who longs for her lost family. Alex knows how much Kara hurts as she looks at Astra now, her eyes betraying the front she has pulled on, as they shine with yearning every time she thinks no one is looking.

Alex knows she would do anything to have her father back. She understands this is as much as a second chance as they can get, and the thought of seeing it taken away from Kara is excruciation. She vows to herself she won’t let that happen, not if she has a say on it.

She takes comfort from those thoughts as she moves forward with her plan.

Knocking out the two guards on the door isn’t half as troublesome as dragging both their unconscious bodies inside without being seen by any wandering soul. She is thankful that most agents aren’t circulating in the DEO at this time.

Once inside, she reaches for the security panel, with shaky hands she types the password and locks the door. Then, using the butt of her gun, Alex smashes the controller, hoping to buy some much needed time. Only then she allows herself a moment to catch her breath.

She moves quickly searching the guard’s bodies as her eyes scan the room for potential threats, ignoring the few beats her heart skips once she sees Astra.  _Not yet, focus Alex._ She takes their weapons and radios and silver-tapes their mouths.

Alex goes to the back door then, her escape route, and quickly checks if it is as unguarded as it usually is. She opens the door slowly, ready to act and once she is sure that no one is there, she makes her way back inside.

Only then Alex finally allows herself to look at Astra. And honestly, nothing could have prepared her for this. Astra’s is hanging awkwardly by her arms, chained to the wall; they are the only thing keeping her standing. Her head is slumping forward, and her hair is messily falling over her shoulders and face. There is nothing but a tattered hospital gown covering her body. Several IV lines are attached to her arms and torso, linked to a machine filled with liquid Kryptonite.

The whole scene is disturbing, Astra’s skin has a sickening pale tone, intensified by the sickly glow of the Kryptonite inside her veins. There are cuts of different sizes and depths covering her limbs and torso, along with dried blood and sweat.

She approaches Astra slowly, not sure if she is still unconscious.  _Not sure if she is still breathing._

“Astra?” Alex whispers, trying not to scare the woman or call unwanted attention towards them.

“Astra...” She moves closer, and throwing cautious out to the wind; she uses her hand to remove Astra's hair away from her face, carefully. She notices then, the weak rise and fall of Astra’s chest and sighs in relief.

“Astra, please, wake up.” She gently cups Astra’s chin with her hand and holds it upright watching with some relief when Astra’s eyelashes flutter a little and then open, focusing right into Alex’s.

It is the kind of look that makes Alex feel bare to the soul.

Astra recoils from Alex’s touch and her mouth curls in distaste as she forces her body to stand, just to have her knees giving up on her. If Alex hadn’t been watching from so close, she might have missed the small flicker of fear that crossed Astra’s face, before her walls came right up.

“Astra, it’s okay, I’m not here to hurt you.” Her words do nothing to alleviate the distrusting look Astra gives her, not that she could blame the woman. “I’m trying to help. I know it is hard to trust me, but we don’t have much time.” She sighs. “So you have to.”

Astra inclines her head to the side, her eyes analyzing Alex like a hawk watching its prey.

“ _Ehk¹_ ,” she asks, her voice hoarse, barely audible.

“Water, right,” Alex says and sees the surprise wash over Astra’s face for a second. And then it morphs into fear once more as she reaches for her bag pack. She brings both her hands up and into Astra’s sight, in what she can only hope it is a placating gesture. “It’s okay; I’m just going to grab a water bottle, ok?” She waits for Astra confirmation before reaching for it.

She steps closer to Astra, and as gently as she can, she helps the woman to drink some of the water, Astra downs one-third of the bottle before Alex stops her. “You can have some more soon, alright? I just don’t want you to get sick.” She puts the bottle on the floor and looks Astra in the eyes.“I’m going to release you now. Can I trust you won’t try anything?” Once more, she waits for Astra’s confirmation before she removes the cuffs from her left hand, glad when they open with the DEO security code.

Astra almost collapses onto the floor once her arm is free, but Alex is faster as she reaches for the woman, her arm circling Astra’s waist and pulling the fragile body against her own.

“I’m sorry.” She offers in response to the sharp hiss Astra lets escape. Alex feels tears coming to her eyes. Because no matter what Astra did, not matter what, this is unacceptable. No one deserves this. “I truly am.” She confides reaching for the other cuff, Astra’s only reply is to lean her head against Alex’s shoulder. A move that both surprises and shocks Alex.

Astra must feel it because she weakly offers against Alex’s hair. “My head feels heavy.”

Once Astra’s arms are free, Alex lowers them carefully to the ground, Astra’s back leaning against her front. She carefully removes the needles trying to avoid any more unnecessary pain. The bruises and cuts require attention, but now they lack the time. Alex helps Astra into the sweatshirt before giving her some more water.

She looks at her wristwatch and then at Astra, who is heavily leaning against her and can barely hold a half-full water bottle on her own. _Well, shit._

“We need to move.” She stands looping her arms under Astra’s armpits as she helps the Kryptonian onto her feet. “You are going to feel better once we move away from all this Kryptonite.” She dares to hope, as she drapes Astra’s arm over her shoulder and leads them outside.

It is more like dragging.

Astra’s practically dead weight makes her muscles burn from exertion. After a few minutes that feel like hours, she adjusts her grip around Astra’s wrist and waist and dares to ask. “How are you feeling?”

They pause, and Astra takes another sip of the water and then so quietly that Alex has to strain her ears to be able to hear, she replies. “I am just questioning whether Rao has finally heard my prayers and is guiding me to his light or if I’m hallucinating once again.”

Alex swallows slowly, and it feels like sandpaper going down her throat. She doesn’t quite know what to say in response to that, so she holds Astra closer and hopes it is enough, Alex hopes it says what she can’t with words.  _I’m here, and this is real. I’m sorry it took me so long._

As she resumes their walk, Alex notices that Astra no longer feels like a dead weight, and for that alone she is glad.

As another few minutes go by Alex rechecks her wristwatch; she is counting the seconds in her head. A habit she has picked on her childhood, from counting aloud with Kara to calm her during panic attacks. They reach the exit door and once outside Alex helps Astra to sit down, her back leaning against the door.

They are almost there.  _We can make it._

“We only have a few minutes; then we need to move. It isn’t safe here, even if the dark protects us.” She gives Astra a granola bar and the water bottle. “Here, eat something.”

While Astra devours the granola bar and all the five others she had packed, she keeps an eye for a patrol; everything seems calm enough.

“How are you feeling?”

“Why are you so suddenly concerned about my well-being, Agent Danvers? One would start to believe you care.” Astra mocks.

Alex sighs. “I don’t. But Kara does, and I care about her.” She opens the bag and retrieves a small case, opening it to reveal a large syringe. Astra backs away slightly. “This is an adrenaline shot. It might jump-start your powers,” she ponders, “but it is a last resort, there is no telling what it could do in your current condition.” She studies Astra’s reaction; the woman doesn’t look eager to get near a needle anytime soon.“I just want you to know it’s here, in case this goes south.” Astra’s eyes held hers for a while; she can’t read them, so she averts her own as she puts the case away.“We should,” she is interrupted by the blaring alarms. 

_Fuck._

She helps Astra to get up and is happy that the woman is at least able to stand on her own. She quickly guides them to where her bike is, and silently cursed herself for not thinking this more thoroughly. For lowering her guard. Looking over her shoulder, she sees General Lane and his men leaving the DEO hot on their heels.  _Well, fucking fuck._

 _We won’t make it._ “We need to hide!” Alex pushes Astra behind one of the camo army vehicles that are parked outside. “Astra, you need to run. I’ll try to slow them. You have to run, now!” Grabbing her weapon and unlocking the safety she aims at the fast approaching men. She shoots twice, as a warning, and is happy as they scatter looking for cover.

At her side, she sees Astra’s failing attempts to fly.  _Come on, come on._  She burns through the clip fast, and as she reloads, she takes a glimpse of something green.

Alex quickly locates General Lane; he is aiming with a rifle, but she doesn’t have a clear shot. She hides back behind cover, and it takes her brain a moment to make the math. _Kryptonite ammo._ He isn’t aiming at her but at Astra. Astra, who is now hovering unsteadily, a few feet above the ground completely unaware of the imminent threat.

“Astra, get down!” She throws her body over Astra’s, shielding the woman and knocking them to the ground with a hard thud. The searing pain on her side is a clear sign that she hasn’t been fast enough. Gasping, she sits down and reaches behind her back and is unsurprised when her hand comes covered in blood. There are thumping sounds in her ear, and it scares her that is the sound of her own heart beating in her chest.

_No._

_Not yet. Goddammit._

“Astra...” She gasps. “You need to go, now,” there is urgency in her voice, and as she gasps for air, she feels something thick inside her mouth.  _Is this taste blood?_

Astra looks at her and then wearily at the fast approaching men, she nods curtly and leaps awkwardly into the sky, raising a thick curtain of dust. Alex eyes can’t seem to focus as she watches Astra flying away, apparently the adrenaline of almost being shot enough to kick start her powers. _Good._

Alex presses into her wound firmly with her hand, the pain in searing, like a sharp-toothed creature, is eating her from the inside. She leans against the vehicle breathing hard.

It is over now.

Astra has escaped.

That is all that matters.

_Now it is with you, little sis._

Releasing a shaky breath Alex tightens the grip around the wound, the blood quickly flowing through her fingers.  _Fuck that hurts._ She closes her eyes for just a second. _Or is it more._ She just feels so tired. Like her eyes don’t want to stay open any longer.  _Are those screams?_

She hears screaming, but it sounds so far away.

_Is she dreaming? Why are dream people crying in pain?_

Alex feels the ground shake beneath her, and then strong arms are scooping her up as she hisses in pain. She forces her eyes open, and there is Astra, shooting lasers from her eyes and leaping into the air, flying them away, just like  _Alex_  always flies in her dreams.

The wind is cold and harsh on her face, so she loops her free arm around Astra’s neck and buries her face into it.

She is tired. Her wounds hurt, every breath sends ripples of pain through her body.

She takes a deep breath, inhaling Astra’s scent. She smells like sweat, blood, and something familiar that Alex can’t quite remember.

It is the last thing she thinks about before she loses the battle against unconsciousness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¹ - Kryptonese word for water.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think.


	2. runaways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge apologies for the delay in updating this, guys.  
> I clearly can't keep a deadline to save my own life. :’(  
> But you know how life can get… So… Please, forgive me?  
> Big thanks to Rara (vallern) and Jenn (verbalatrocity) for being my soundboards and encouraging me so much with this.  
> Also, big thanks to all of you who have read, commented and left kudos, I'm so amazed and happy with all the feedback, you guys have rocked my world. Thank you so much!!
> 
> Edit¹: Addressing one of the comments about some mistakes and typos, here goes a heads-up: I'm not a native speaker, actually I'm self-taught, and this is my first time writing anything. I'm trying to improve my English skills so, honestly, all kinds of feedback are highly appreciated. So if you feel like you can help me to improve anyhow, just let me know. ;)
> 
> All mistakes are mine.

Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;  
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

**The Old Astronomer, by Sarah Williams**

* * *

 

**i. sweet dreams**

 

Alex hurts.

Like a fucking hurricane.

Pain is the first thing she feels as she regains consciousness. She groans as she struggles to open her eyes; the searing pain that rewards her is excruciating.

She hurts everywhere. From hair to toes, everything hurts, even her mind, but her back is the worst. It burns, and the pain irradiates through her body every time she does as much as breathe.

Then there is the cold.

It feels like a thousand ice daggers are cutting through her skin; it spreads over her body and seeps into her bones. Her teeth chatter as she shivers, burying herself even closer to the source of warmth holding her. She inhales sharply, clenching her jaw and trying to still the shaking limbs. There is that scent again, that she can’t quite remember, yet so familiar.

_Like the ocean and the rain._

_Kara?_

“Are you awake?”  _No, not Kara, Astra._  It is nothing but a whisper against her ear, and it is the gentleness of how it is said, rather than the recognition that surprises Alex the most.

In the dark fog of pain that is her head, she struggles in an inner battle to remain conscious, but she is too tired to fight, too tired of fighting.

Sleep overcomes her a second time.

“ _Alex?” It is Kara’s gentle voice that awakens her tonight, not the girl’s nightmarish screams. “Are you awake?” She considers pretending to be asleep; maybe Kara will go away if she does so. She feels the mattress dipping slightly as Kara joins her in the bed. A gentle hand on her shoulder. “Alex?”_

“ _I’m ‘wake,” she mumbles as she turns to face Kara, hands rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What's up?”_

_Kara sits in the bed more comfortably then, hugging her knees to her chest, she turns her head to face the window.  There is a pregnant pause before either of them speaks. It is a somewhat awkward silence; one they grew used to since Kara’s arrival._

_Kara watches the sky as Alex watches Kara. She is biting her lip, a nervous habit that Alex finds quite endearing, and there is a lock of hair falling on her face._

“ _I can’t sleep,” Kara offers, and Alex sighs, adjusting the pillow behind herself as she props herself up, crossing her legs as she does so._

_Alex waits, her fingers playing with the hem of her pajamas. It has become their routine. Kara has nightmares more often than not, and she can’t sleep, so she comes to Alex’s room._

_Every. Single. Night._

_They don’t talk. Alex had tried a few times, but Kara never talks, she just sits quietly and looks out of the window into the sky, eyes searching for a planet that is no more._

_Alex doesn’t understand, not really, but she guesses she never will._

_So she just waits._

“ _I’m sorry I keep bothering you, Alex,” Kara whispers and Alex blinks a couple of times out of surprise._

_She wonders if she has imagined it, but Kara is looking at her, studying her, and it is enough to know she didn’t._

“ _You don’t,” she assures. “I just wish I could do more.” It is unsettling. Alex has always wanted a sister. Now she has one, and she doesn’t know what to do. Kara is breaking, and Alex doesn’t know how to fix it. The truth is that she wants to help Kara, but she just doesn’t know how._ _It makes her feel useless. “I wish you would talk to me.”_

“ _Talk about what, Alex? About all, I’ve lost? The things I miss? Everything I won’t ever see again?” Tears are falling from Kara’s eyes, Alex's hands move before she can think better of it, to wipe them, but they are brushed off by Kara’s head shake.  She rests her hands on her knees then, her fingers curling against the flannel of her pants._

“ _It doesn’t have to be like that. You can tell me anything.”_

_Kara looks at her then, eyes searching and Alex’s eyes just hold and hold. “Tell me something about yourself,” she inquires, a small smile on her lips._

“ _What do you wish to know, Alex?”_

“ _Everything, anything. Whatever you feel like sharing,” Alex shrugs._

_Kara stands then moving to the window. When she propels it open, the wind blows her hair slightly, and Alex shivers a little at the chilliness that enters the room._

_Kara looks at the stars, her eyes reflecting their light, and there is a small smile on her lips even though the tears aren’t completely gone._

“ _I love the stars. When I look at them, I can pretend I’m still home.” She closes her eyes, and there is an even bigger smile dancing in her lips now. “If I close my eyes I can hear my aunt’s voice telling me about them.” Kara takes a deep breath. “Rao, I can even smell her. Feel her arms around me. I miss her so much Alex.”_

“ _Will you tell me about her?” Alex moves from the bed to join Kara, her feet are cold, and she regrets not wearing any socks tonight._

“ _She is- No, she **was** , my best friend,” Kara corrects herself, eyes open again, watching the countless stars as she can memorize them. Maybe she can, Alex thinks. “She was in the military, so she traveled a lot for work around our solar system, visiting the other planets. Sometimes we’d go weeks without seeing each other. But every time she’d come home the first thing she ever did was come to see me. She’d hug me, hold me tight in her arms, and I would feel safe and warm.” Kara sobs and wrapping her arms around herself._

_Alex wraps her arms around Kara, hugging her from behind, her chin rests on Kara’s shoulder, and blonde hair tickles her nose as they stay embraced._

“ _You are safe here too, Kara. I will never let anyone hurt you,” Alex promises, and she knows she will die before she breaks this one. Kara turns in her arms and hugs her then. It is tight, too tight. But she doesn’t care._

“ _Thank you, Alex,” Kara whispers into her hair. She only holds as tighter as she can in response._

_This time the silence is comfortable, oddly enough. Kara turns back to the window, her fingers drawing into the stars randomly and Alex follows it with her eyes. Words in a language she doesn’t know._

“ _Come with me.” She holds her hand up, waiting until Kara’s is firmly held into hers before she props herself up into the window sill, it is a little awkward and takes a bit more balance than usual, but she doesn’t let go. She tugs at Kara’s hand, prompting her to follow. When Kara steps into the roof, Alex guides them to her favorite spot._ “ _I know it isn’t the same. But mom and dad taught me about the stars, and if you want, I could show you?” It sounds as unsure as she feels because the last thing Alex wants is to overstep any boundaries now that Kara is finally opening up to her._

_Kara only smiles brightly at her. “I’d love to, Alex.”_

_They sit shoulder by shoulder, still holding hands. Alex points at the stars she can see; she tells everything she knows about them. Kara’s fingers following hers, drawing the constellations. Kara’s eyes are brighter than they have been in days and she laughs at Alex’s jokes as she shares some stories of her own._ _Alex vows to herself that she will ask her parents to set the telescope in the backyard so that they can do this again._

“ _Thank you for this, Alex.”_

“ _You don’t have to thank me, Kara. You are my little sister. I’d do anything for you.”_

“ _But we aren’t. Not really.  In Krypton, blood relations are an important thing. Blood bonds us all.” Kara looks downcast, but Alex shakes her off._

“ _Here, on Earth, blood is also important, but it isn’t everything. Love is what binds us, Kara. You are my sister because I chose you.” She raises their holding hands and intertwines their fingers together. “And if you choose me too, nothing will ever break us apart.”_

“ _You remind me a lot of her.” At Alex’s puzzled expression, Kara iterates. “My aunt.”_

“ _How so?” Alex hugs herself with her free arm, the night is growing colder, and she is starting to shiver._

“ _Are you okay, Alex?” Kara frowns._

“ _Yeah, just a little cold,” she shrugs, but she smiles, happy when Kara shifts them so she can hug Alex, an inverted position of what they’d done before._

“ _She used to say things like that sometimes. She never completely abides by all the rules, she always said that rules were meant to be broken, that she was better off making her own rules. My mother would say something that translates remarkably like one of those sayings Eliza used to describe me the other day, one of a kind?”_

“ _Ah, yes, well I bet it wasn’t because she was breaking every doorknob in the house out of blunt force,” Alex chuckles burrowing further into Kara’s arms._

“ _Definitely not,” Kara giggles back, and Alex’s feels the vibrating of her chest against her back. It feels nice. “She was very graceful and beautiful, so beautiful Alex, I have always wished to be just as pretty. She was named after the stars like somehow they knew it would be her passion. Her voice was incredible too; she sometimes sang some lullabies to me. And her scent, if I close my eyes I can almost smell it. It is like Stardust, of all the planets she’d visit.” There are new tears now. “Stardust, soap and… I don’t even know how to translate it. It was just so unique her…”_

“ _What does Stardust smell like?” Alex asks twisting her neck to face her little sister._

_Kara wrinkle her nose a little as she thinks of a suitable description. “Like the rain and the sea. That earthly smell we can feel when it has just started raining, you know?” Alex nods in response as she tries to recollects the smell in her head._

“ _We'd stargaze for hours while she talked about the stars, the new planets she’d visited and their people.”_

“ _She sounds incredible.”_

“ _She was.”_

“ _She is.” Alex turns to face Kara entirely, hovering her hand above Kara’s heart._

_"She will always be here Kara. Krypton, your family they will always be a part of you. They will always be here.”_

_Kara covers her hand with her own. “Thank you, Alex.” There are new tears in her eyes, Alex just shakes her head as she reaches for them, happy when Kara doesn’t shy away this time. She understands that Kara needs this. That Kara needs to mourn and to grief for her planet and her family, and only then, Kara will learn that she can have a family again, that she isn't replacing them, only moving forward._

The next time Alex wakes up is to someone fumbling with her shirt as she lays on her front. Panic settles, her heart jumps wildly in her chest, and she hisses in pain as she struggles to get away from wandering hands.

“Calm down, Agent Danvers,” a weary voice says as strong hands keep her in place. The surface underneath her is hard, and it scraps at her palms as she tries to push herself up.  

“I mean you no harm, but I need to stop the bleeding from your wounds.”

“Astra?” She stops struggling, it is quite pointless against the Kryptonian’s strength, plus her body feels on fire from the little exertion.

“I’m afraid so,” Astra says as her hands lift the bloody fabric of Alex’s shirt and Alex grunts, trying to shift again because even though her back hurts, she wants to turn and face Astra. “Hold still,” Astra commands. “I’m afraid this will not be pleasant.”

There are three things that Alex is very sure at this point.

Number one is that she doesn’t trust Astra enough to be on her back as the woman tends to her wounds.

Number two is that Alex is very sure that by ‘not pleasant,' Astra means utter and complete hell. Because there is no other way to describe the pain she feels when, without a second warning, Alex feels the skin on her back burning, she doesn’t hold the scream, not that she’d be able to.

Number three is that she is very proud of the ten seconds she manages to stay awake before she passes out from pain.

  

* * *

 

 

 **ii**   **. daughter of the stars**

Astra watches the city night in the distance.

She loves the night. The peace, the quiet.

In the dead of night, as humans go to sleep, the city lights ebb little by little into mere inkling. The riotous sounds of the day fade into the quiet buzz of crickets in the distance, the gentle sound of the night breeze, ruffling against the leaves somewhere, the sound of her own heart beating in her chest.

Nights on Earth brings a peacefulness she has learned to welcome.

It is an almost moonless night.

It doesn’t bother her; she is just as good at tracking in the dark of night as in broad daylight.

She crouches in the parapet, her watchful gaze roaming the empty streets, scanning every corner, searching for her chasers.

Astra is sure she mislead them, but she refuses to let her guard down. So she hides in pitch black darkness and waits.

It used to bother her, being in the shadows, that is.

Born the second daughter of one of the most prestigious Houses of Krypton, the unexpected twin of the great Alura, Astra had always been the second under her parent’s eyes, no matter how much she would excel in everything.

It isn’t easy being second.

Not that she envied Alura’s position, quite the opposite in fact.

Alura had no space to be less than perfect.

Under Krypton society’s eyes, there had been no space to flaws, nor in their family. While Alura had lived as their perfect sun, Astra had been the shadows, the shame. The anomaly. The rebellious second daughter that hadn’t abide by the rules.

Plenty of times the In-Ze twins would dreamily make plans of running away so they could start over somewhere so they could be whoever they wanted. Because no matter who they were to everyone else, to each other, they were everything.

Their bond was unbreakable.

Or she used to think so.

Now, all it is left is an aching void inside her heart.

Their childish dreams, however, had never come to be more than that, dreams, and as the years had passed, they had risen to take their place in society.

As Alura had embraced her destiny, Astra had embraced the shadows in her heart.

In the darkness, she had found her freedom. At night Astra could be whoever she wanted, she could do the things she would never be allowed to do when the sun was out.

She became the best warrior Krypton had in centuries, the first woman to be accepted into the Military Guild and then to achieve one of the highest ranks.

Astra had become her own star.

Her fingers absently play with the white streak in her hair as she surveys the night, lost in thought.

The night hides her flaws, her imperfections. She can be whoever she wants.

Fort Rozz had been the only exception. She would sit in her cell and stare for hours into the unrelenting darkness that wrapped their eyes, burying their forsaken souls beneath a starless sky. Even then, she couldn’t bring herself to hate the night, but as much as she loves it, it is the stars of her namesake she needs to guide her.

When Fort Rozz crashed on Earth, she spent her first days sleeping under the open sky. She’d lay on top of one of those millions of skyscrapers and watch fascinated as sweet-smelling rain-washed the streets under a sky freckled with stars.

Tonight, however, she has no time to stargaze.

Tonight, they flee.

There is no shame in fleeing from an outnumbered battle, especially when she is no condition to fight.

Not without fully restored powers.

It is quite ironic that she loves the stars so much, but it is the sun’s light that she needs to heal.

She looks down at her hands, they have been shaking slightly with aftershocks since they left the human’s base, and her powers have been behaving oddly. Faltering and unreliable. It is quite unsettling.

Perhaps she has been relying on her powers too much for those last twelve years, she muses.

Behind her, lays unconscious the human responsible for her rescue. Agent Danvers. As far as her interactions with humans go, Astra can’t say she has the best and satisfactory experience. The few people she happened to be in contact since their arrival had either tried to seize them or hadn’t been very honorable within their negotiations.

She has no good impression from their race at all.

This one little human, however, keeps surprising her at every possible moment. Only a few people have succeeded in such feature.

Astra stands impressed. Such bravery and honor should always be recognized; she acknowledges as much.

She keeps one ear attuned into the night, searching for their hunters, the other into quiet heartbeat coming from the woman. Through the corner of her eye Astra watches the peaceful rise and fall of the human’s chest, the Agent’s skin looks pale from the blood loss, but her breathing and heartbeat have grown a little steadier since she cauterized the wound.

She hadn’t expected the woman to pass out again from the pain, but she recognizes that she has no experience in human anatomy and to their pain tolerance levels. It is unfortunate, but she had been in no condition to take the woman to a healing house, and she knew she needed to contain the bleeding.

Astra is no stranger to pain, not after a life of servitude into the Military Guild and her time in Fort Rozz. But after twelve years of practically being immune to everything on Earth, she grew entirely unprepared to face it.

She had succumbed so weakly to its dark tendrils under the green poison. She is ashamed.

She knows they would never break her, but she feels week at how much she embraced the pain.

“Kara….” The human keeps calling in her restless sleep. It isn’t the first time. Kara, she calls for Kara, not Supergirl, the ridiculous moniker the human race has bestowed upon her niece.

It is intriguing.

She leaves her watching spot, satisfied that they haven’t been followed and approaches the woman. Without the aid of fully restored powers, she feels the gravel biting at the bare skin of her feet.  She studies the woman carefully, a layer of sweat covers her skin, and she looks plagued by her dreams.

She looks feverish.

Astra doesn’t need to know much about human medicine to know that fever is never a good sign.

They don’t have until daylight.

They need help.

She takes the satchel and looks for the small case the agent had shown her. The contents entirely misplaced amid their escape, so Astra ends up removing everything from the inside before finally finding it. And not before she finds a small plastic card where in small capital letters it reads “Department of Extranormal Operations, Special Agent Alexandra Danvers.”

“Alexandra,” Astra pronounces it tentatively, testing the syllabus, rolling every letter in the tip of her tongue. She finds that she quite likes how it sounds.

It sounds beautiful.

With trembling hands, she opens the small case; she closes her eyes as she looks at the needle, her traitorous mind takes her back to that basement, to the sickening feeling of poison injected into her veins. Her hands shake so hard she almost drops the syringe.

Swallowing hard, Astra buries those memories away and takes a deep breath as she tries the sharp tip of the needle with her finger satisfied when it makes it through the skin.

It works fast.

She has barely finished injecting it into her vein, and she can feel her heart racing, her blood pumping faster.

It is almost too much.

She falls to her knees gasping for air.

She can hear everything. Her blood pumping inside her veins, the rush of air inside her lungs the beating of her heart, erratic, frantic.

The ground beneath her feet cracks at the slight pressure of her toes and she can feel the burning heat behind her eyelids, trying to break free. The freezing breath full filling inside her lungs.

She feels like the weight of the world is lifted from her shoulders as her body levitates into the night.

It is overwhelming.

She almost screams but is all gone before she does so, and she is left feeling as powerful as she has ever been, and once more indestructible.

Astra allows herself a moment to get used to the power flowing into her, she floats effortlessly back to the roof and carefully gathers Alexandra into her arms, she tries to be gentle as she takes flight and takes the extra care to fly slower than her normal speed.

They need help, and she knows exactly where to find it.

With a Roltikkon named Darla.

 

* * *

 

  

The landing is a little rougher than expected since she is still getting used to having her powers fully back, but she manages to absorb most of the impact on her knees shielding the fragile bundle in her arms. She saunters to the porch and knocks on the door with her barefoot.

She hears the shuffling upstairs, and after a couple of minutes, the door opens quietly. The woman shields herself behind the door, and once she sees Astra her face morphs into shock.

“Fucking hell!” She has the audacity to slam the door into Astra’s face.

“Wait!” Astra commands, but she remembers she is in no place to command anything. She needs her help. “Please.” It is much quieter like somehow it will physically break her pride if she says those words any louder. “Allow me to explain.”

The door opens again, not fully. “I’m listening,” the woman sighs.

“She needs your help.” Astra adjusts Alexandra in her arms, and the Roltikkon’s eyes roam over her features.

“Who is this?”

“Someone I own my life to.”

“Is she…?” Darla’s eyes widen as she steps into the porch.

Astra nods.

“Does she,”

Astra shakes the question off. “She took a bullet meant to her enemy. It is all she knows. And now her life is endangered, and I can’t take her to a healing house since her kind is hunting us. We need your help.”

“She is human?” Darla gasps then she sighs in understanding. “I can see why you came to me now,” she concedes. “I agree to help you with one condition.”

“Name your terms,” Astra requests.

“After this, we are even. You will leave me be and respect my will. I do not wish to join your cause.”

“Alright,” Astra sighs in agreement, already having guessed the terms. She doesn’t understand why an alien would prefer to live as an outcast instead of living within their kind, but she will respect it nonetheless.

“Give me your word,” Darla presses.

“You have my word that your wish will be respected.”

Darla looks taken aback.

“I’m a woman of honor, Darla. You know I would never go back on my word.”

“I know, General. I’m just surprised you are willing to give in so easily for the life of a human. Humans that you claim to despise. That is all.” She opens the door and gestures to Astra come inside. “I guess being your  _voikirium¹_  changes everything, doesn’t it? Very well, follow me.”

Astra follows Darla into the house, quickly surveying the chambers they pass through and waits as she makes the dining table free.

“Place her here,” Darla offers and helps her to settle Alexandra down onto the table gently.

They turn her to the side and Darla assesses the wounds. “She needs a real doctor, Astra. I only date one.”

“I’m afraid you are all she has. I’m unsure what they might do to her since she helped me to escape.”

“I see,” Darla says, eyes glued to the wound. “Nicely done with the cauterization here, it will barely leave a scar.”

“Thank you; I have little ex…”

“Sarcasm, General.”

“Oh.”

“What are you wearing, by the way?”

Astra looks down at her garments; She is wearing nothing but underwear and the sweatshirt Alex had given her. She had removed the tattered gown they had put on her as soon as she landed with Alex on that roof. She never really got into human attire. It feels unpractical compared to her battle suit. She purses her lips lost in thought. It makes her wonder at which point she became more the warrior and less Astra.

How many parts of herself is she willing to lose for her cause?

“General?”

“Pardon?”

“I said that you are welcome to use my shower and borrow clean clothes. I need to get some supplies before we start with your friend here. We need to extract the bullet.”

“I see.”

“How deep is it?”

“Not much. But too deep for me to extract with my hands, I aimed to stop the bleeding first.”

“You did well; she would have died from blood loss. She isn’t completely out of the woods yet, if I'm honest.”

“What can I do to help?”

“Get yourself cleaned up; I’ll make some calls and get what we need.”

“I… prefer to stay here, with her.”

“Suit yourself,” Darla says as she leaves the room. She comes back a few minutes later with a bowl and a cloth.

“Here, make yourself useful then. Those cold compresses will help with the fever.”

“Very well.”

For once, Astra does as she is told without interjections, she places the wet cloth on Alexandra’s forehead and changes it every couple minutes. In her feverish dreams, the woman keeps calling for Kara. It reminds her of the time she caught the Argo fever. Those hollow dreams had haunted her for a long time. She had been lucky to have Alura at her bedside, to comfort her.

As Alexandra cries and calls for Kara, she wonders what kind of dreams the woman is having. Somewhere deep in her heart, she hopes they aren’t too unpleasant.

Sometimes she wishes she was more like Alura. Comforting, nurturing. She frowns as the woman writhes in pain, fingers clenching and unclenching as she mumbles incoherent words.

She wishes she was good at that. Kara was only one person she had been good with, and it all seemed such a lifetime ago. Forgotten as the person, she used to be.

She carefully wipes the dirt with the wet cloth; her free hand covers that clenching hand and it surprises her when it holds back like the woman is grounding herself into her.

The writhing stops.

“General?” Darla says from the hallway. “A little help?”

They unpack IVS, scalpels, and medicine at it all makes Astra shudder.

“Are you alright?” Darla asks.

“I… yes, what now?”

“Help is on the way.”

“What do you mean?” Astra guards herself.

“Relax, just my girlfriend. She is discreet, and she is the best chance your friend has.”

The doctor arrives shortly after, she dismisses them to work, and Darla leads Astra to a guest room.

“No offense, General, but you look like shit.”

“I beg your pardon? I’m very much offended!” Astra looks as annoyed as she is.

“Don’t take it literally, it means that you don’t look so good,” Darla chuckles.

“You’ve been on Earth for who knows how long and still doesn’t understand slang, impressive. What bubble do you live in?”

She doesn’t wait for an answer, Astra is left alone once more, and she decides to use her time to inspect the room. There is a double bed in the center, a small dresser in the corner, and a door that leads to an adjourned bathroom. When she is satisfied with her inspection, she comes back to a towel and fresh clothes waiting for her on the bed.

Perhaps a shower is a just as good use of her free time as is sitting and waiting.

The doctor leaves before she can thank her.

Darla offers them the spare bedroom for the night, and she carefully transports a sleep-induced Alexandra to the bed.

She looks healthier now that she is under medication, Astra is pleased to notice.

“I think she will be alright. Pretty sure your healers can help to speed her healing process further, back at your base,” Darla offers from the doorway. “I’ll leave you two at it; you are welcome to stay the night. And please don’t forget your word, General,” she says as a farewell.

“I won’t,” Astra says to the empty hallway.

She looks at the unconscious woman, watches the rise and fall of her chest. She looks peaceful in her sleep, her shirt has been replaced by large bandages that cover her whole torso, the blood and the dirty cleaned away completely. Astra takes Alex’s boots off and covers her with the blanket Darla has left to them before joining her on the bed. She sits with her back against the headboard.

“You will be alright, brave one,” Astra whispers as she carefully brushes away a lock of hair that has fallen over the woman’s face, her fingers playing absentmindedly with it as she focuses her hearing into the steady heartbeat coming from the human’s chest. _Alexandra’s chest._

She doesn’t mean to, but it is that sound that lulls her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¹ - Kryptonese word for savior. It will have a deeper meaning as the story unfolds. I promise you they are not getting married or anything awkward, tho. ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> If you want to keep updated on Shatter notices, I go by thedrunkidiot and fuckyeahgeneraldanvers on tumblr. Give me a shout.


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